


Captain America the Completely Heterosexual Nazi

by Evedawalrus



Category: Captain America (Comics), Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types
Genre: BUT I WAS STILL FUCKIN RIGHT, Cap's a Nazi, Captain America: Steve Rogers Issue #2, I was fuckin right all along, M/M, Oh look at that, except the cosmic cube is a little girl, hydra alllllllll along, thats him, update:, yep
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-26
Updated: 2016-07-13
Packaged: 2018-07-10 07:24:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 714
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6972904
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Evedawalrus/pseuds/Evedawalrus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Captain America is a Nazi. </p><p>And straight.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

"Hail Hydra." Captain America said with a glare, and everyone gasped. It was true, Steve Rogers had been a Nazi the entire time. It had been so obvious, but no one had realized until it was too late. It was done. 

 

 

 

The Red Skull smiled as best he could with the hardened flesh of his face, but it came out as more of a constipated look. But he didn't care, he was too busy cackling evilly at the image on the monitor. He would have been wringing his hands evilly if not for the glowing blue cube he held. 

The Cosmic Cube. 

"Now that I've used the Cube's reality-altering powers, Captain America is now Captain Hydra!" He monologued. 

 

Fortunately, his speech was abruptly cut off by a silvery metal arm bursting from the wall and grabbing his red neck. The Skull gasped and choked, but his cries were cut off when the arm pulled back into the hold it had created, beating the supervillain's head into the wall and completely through it. The spluttering Nazi gazed in horror at a man he thought dead: 

Bucky Barnes held murder in his eyes as he looked down upon the struggling man in his grip. His metal fist tightened slightly, then flicked to one side, throwing the Red Skull into the wall. The man fell limp, unconscious from the repeated blows. Barnes was like the Winter Soldier, but in this state he was more dangerous than any assassin. 

Simply put, Bucky was pissed. 

Lucky for Red Skull, Barnes didn't want to waste time. The man raised his left arm once again, this time punching straight through the wall. He walked through the newly made hole into the monitor room, picking up the Cosmic Cube where it had been dropped. 

Without a second of hesitation, Bucky told the Cube his wish, and the world went white. 

 

 

In 21st century Brooklyn, two men ambled casually down the street. One gazed at the other, marveling at how his sky blue eyes always seemed to shine when he laughed. The brunette gently squeezed the other's hand, minding his strength. The blonde laced his fingers through the metal digits and leaned over to his boyfriend, giving him a soft kiss on the cheek. 

Bucky smiled despite himself. 

"Love you too, punk."


	2. Kobik

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve and Bucky are happy, but there's one more thing that needs to be taken care of.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I read a summary of Captain America: Steve Rogers #2, and I'm pissed! 
> 
> Just saying, I totally called it. 
> 
> Except for the whole 'Cosmic Cube being a little girl named Kobik' thing. Hmm....

"I'm sorry, Mr. Rogers." The child stared at her feet as she addressed him, her small hands twisting with anxiety. 

Steve sighed, kneeling to come level with the little girl. "Hey, don't worry about it." His voice was gentle and reassuring, but the child didn't look up at him. "Kobik.  
Mr. Schmidt lied to you, and that's not your fault." 

Kobik sniffed, her chubby face drooping. "He... He hurt people. I helped him." Her lower lip began to wobble. 

Steve's eyes widened, and he slowly put a hand on her shoulder. "Look at me, Kobik. He took advantage of you. It was him who did that. Never you."

"I'm sorry, Mr. Rogers... I-I made you bad..." 

"You didn't do a thing. Besides, everything's okay now. Bucky helped both of us, and I'm just fine." 

The child sniffed again, as the Captain's words failed to stop her guilt. "I j-just wanted a friend, and I remembered Mr. Schmidt. I'm sorry. I'm sorry...." Fat tears began to roll down her cheeks as she struggled to keep them dry. 

Steve paused for only a second before easing Kobik into his arms, encapsulating her in a comforting hug. "It's okay, Kobik. I forgive you, I promise." 

For ten minutes he held the sobbing girl, until her hitching breath finally calmed. Steve broke the silence, speaking in a subdued voice. "Kobik? I came here today to ask you something. 

"You said you wanted a friend. I know what it's like, to be in a scary new world without a friend to be there... So I was wondering if maybe I could be your friend. Me and my best friend Bucky have a nice house in Brooklyn with an extra room. There's an ice cream store right around the corner, and a library a few blocks down. I think you'd really like it there."

The cosmic cube stared over the captain's shoulder, eyes cloudy. Then, she replied in a shaky but passionate voice. 

"Me too."

Steve smiled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's right, Steve Rogers is bi and lives with Bucky and Brooklyn and just adopted Kobik. The perfect ending. 
> 
> I just want to say, I may or may not be getting Kobik right. I'm just trying to fix Nick Spencer's myriad of fuck-ups.

**Author's Note:**

> Just clarifying, Bucky didn't wish for Steve to love him cause he doesn't need to. Steve loves him already. 
> 
>  
> 
> (His wish was for everything to be back to normal and Steve to be young again).


End file.
